i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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