Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
