Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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