Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
