It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
