i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
