Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
