He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
