So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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