It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
