is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
