just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
