haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
