They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize