the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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