So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
