Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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