he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
