BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
