first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize