i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
