This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
