Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
