the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
