i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
