my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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