did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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