Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
