what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
