her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize