why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
