My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize