if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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