The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
