AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
