i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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