when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
