Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
