I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
