I am in a vortex of obligation.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
