Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
