Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
