he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
