i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
