I just cut my nipple shaving
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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