I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
