The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize