I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
