a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you didnt know i had herpes?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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