if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
