he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
