is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
