I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
