I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
