saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
