That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize