she was so not down for the gang bang
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
