I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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