Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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