I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
