She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
