So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
