I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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