the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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