Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
