I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
