There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
