did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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