I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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