i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
