i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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